The Sunday Night Worries: What School Anxiety Looks Like in Teenagers

It starts on a Sunday afternoon. They start thinking about the homework that's due, what the week ahead holds, the subjects they don't like and the lessons they don't want to go to. Then there's a mood change.

In our house the uniform comes out, the lunch boxes get packed, the tuck money gets sorted and the bag is organised the night before. And underneath all of it is that awful dread that the weekend is finished, the fun is over and it's back to school. We have all had that feeling at some point: the Sunday scaries!

If a child ultimately enjoys school and is looking forward to going back, even just to see their mates, it's not so bad. If it's somewhere they dread going, that feeling can spoil the whole weekend.

What does school anxiety look like in teenagers?

Teenagers say things like:

• I don't want to go in.
• I can't go.
• I can't stop thinking about school tomorrow.
• My stomach hurts.
• I feel sick.
• I hate those lessons.
• I don't want to go back.

School anxiety in teenagers often shows up as stomach aches, feeling sick, trouble sleeping, a short temper and not wanting to go in, especially on a Sunday night.

Parents tend to put it down to laziness, can't be bothered, or the normal Sunday feeling. Sometimes that's exactly what it is, but sometimes it's more than that, and it's genuine anxiety about going back because of something that's going on at school.

What parents do that doesn't help

• Over-checking: "Have you done this homework?" "Did you get your kit ready for PE?" Instead, try giving them a written checklist to check off themselves.
• Brushing it off: "There's nothing to worry about" or "It'll be fine" might feel like reassurance, but it makes a child feel unheard.

What does gentle parenting look like on a Sunday?

It's talking about how they feel, and why they feel that way, and reassuring them that even adults feel like that about going back to work.

Something I like to say is, "There's only so many days left till..." or "We've got this to look forward to." Think about what they've got coming up that week. Perhaps it's basketball practice on Tuesday, which they really enjoy, so it's only one or two days away.

Break the Sunday routine

If your teenager gets that feeling, don't leave Sunday afternoon free and empty. Go out. Go to the park, walk the dog, play sport, see friends, so they're not sitting at home getting pent up.

Why not try getting the bag, the uniform and lunch sorted early, say on Sunday morning, so it isn't hanging over the evening?

I'd actually recommend doing any homework on a Friday after school, if your teen can tolerate it, or on a Saturday. That way Sundays are still a fun, school-free day.

Talk to the school

Lots of schools do things to help children who find it hard to go in, especially with back-to-school nerves. They might have early morning clubs or breakfast clubs, where children can settle in, meet their friends and talk before they go to class. Schools are really used to children finding it hard to go in on a Monday morning, and if your child is really apprehensive, this can help.

You can also ask the form tutor to help make some small changes, like arriving a few minutes early with a little job to do, or arranging for a friend to meet them at the gate.

Sunday lessons can be a surprising help

Some of our children have a tutoring lesson on a Sunday afternoon or evening, and they love it. It really sets them up for the week, because the subject they were dreading is the one they walk into feeling confident about.

When it's more than the Sunday blues

If it carries on beyond a few weeks, gets worse, or starts to affect sleep, mood, attendance or daily life, speak to the school first and then your GP. The YoungMinds Parents Helpline is on 0808 802 5544 and Childline is on 0800 1111.

If you would like more advice, or to talk about how we can help your teen, please do book a free 15-minute call with me, Jenny.

BrightBerry offers small group and one-to-one tutoring in Maths, English and Science for Years 7 to 13, taught by qualified UK teachers, and I watch every lesson myself.

Frequently asked questions

Jenny
Founder, BrightBerry Education